Who do you want to be?
Who do you want to be?
I always fancied myself as a bit of a runner and would watch the Olympics and be in awe of the men and women running the marathon. They are incredible, aren’t they? They all look like Gazelle’s and seem to move effortlessly. I fear this did not describe me!
A few years back I decided I was going to get into this running thing a bit more seriously. I had had a few failed attempts at running and had never really managed to keep it up. So, my sister and I decided we were going to do this together, and we did. We downloaded the 0-5km app on our phones and set about holding each other to account to make sure we completed our scheduled runs.
A few months passed and we had done a couple of 5km races and we decided we were ready for something more, so we joined a running club. I learned over time that being part of this community became a key component of my identity as a runner.
See, when I initially downloaded that 0-5km app, I did not hold the thought let alone the belief that I would ever be able to run the half-marathon. To be clear, completing a 5km distance seemed like a huge achievement at that time. But the benefit of being around a group of like-minded people at the running club, who were all on the same journey (becoming a better runner) and who supported me through the early morning runs four times a week, eventually meant I did hold the belief that I was a runner, and I was quite excited by the prospect.
Now, interestingly, my identity as a runner was attached to being able to get out there and complete the event or the distance and demonstrate to myself that I could do it. It was not about speed. Just to be clear, I’m not a fast runner, and running long distances was never about the speed for me, it was about showing myself that I could run the half marathon distance. The running club taught me that if I believed I could run the distance and if I did the work, went about the training in a realistic and consistent way, my goals were totally doable.
I eventually ran three half-marathons and finally considered myself to be a runner. I embraced the identity of being a long-distance runner, it was who I was.
How is identity created?
Our identity is shaped in many different ways. The cultural environment we have been brought up in including the family values, beliefs, customs, community, etc. all of these things contribute to the creation of our identity.
The beliefs we hold about ourselves are what drive our behaviour and consistent behaviours over time that feel congruent and aligned with our beliefs will contribute to the development of our identity.
If we want to create a shift in identity and create different outcomes for ourselves, we may need to hold a different belief that will drive a different set of behaviours. As we consistently take action on these new behaviours, we will form the new identity, the future self we want and potentially need.
Think of it as putting coins into a money box. The more often we put the coins in, the fuller the money box gets and the more currency we have to get us to the future we want. Investing in our future self identity is no different.
How can I shift my identity?
Marshall Goldsmith wrote a book called, What got you here won’t get you there and if we stop and reflect for a moment, we can probably think of times in our past life where we had to do something quite different to get that promotion, the new job, be selected for a particular leadership development programme etc. This is not a new concept to us.
What we want to do is gain clarity on who the future self is that we want to be. We want to know why that is important to us and what new behaviours might we need to adopt or adapt to make the shift in identity we want or need.
Five actions you can take to change your sense of identity:
Stand up to your inner critic.
Have you ever wanted to achieve something and that little voice in your head is having a full-on conversation with you about why you shouldn’t, can’t, won’t etc.? Our inner critic often pipes up from a ‘protection’ perspective so there’s a lot of value in understanding what is preventing you from taking the necessary steps. Acknowledge that that part of you, your inner critic, does have a job but that part doesn’t have to have the final say on what you do or don’t do. Stand up to your inner critic.
Cultivate your inner coach.
Sometimes, our inner critic just has too much air time. Let your inner coach come up and give you some thoughts and insights about how you might move forward with your future self idea. It can take a bit of time initially to allow our inner coach to come to the surface and for us to speak to ourselves in this supportive way. It’s incredibly valuable though to cultivate your inner coach.
Choose the community you want to be with.
A community I currently belong to has a meme around being inspired by the company we keep. I believe we should all do this. Hang out with the people who are supportive of where you are heading. The people who will challenge you in a positive way to enable you to reach your full potential. The people who, with your permission, will hold you to account. Sometimes our nearest and dearest can be threatened by our plans for growth so we may need to be a little selective about who we share our growth plans with. Choose the community you want to be with and welcome them into your world.
Know you have the power of choice.
You are the master of your destiny. Critical to your success is first getting clear on what you want. Then it’s decision time. Are you really serious about where you are wanting to go? Are you prepared to put in the time, money and effort to achieve that future self? It’s time to make a decision and commit to the path of your future self. Know you have the power of choice, it sits with you.
Be okay with spending time asking yourself who you want to be.
This is such a critical piece of work we should do with ourselves. It’s not being selfish and over-indulgent. If you can get clear on what you want to do, what your contribution to the world is going to be, then the world will be a better place for it. So take some time and ask yourself who you want to be.
Need some help?
Are you someone who:
struggles to think about who you are outside of your job?
limits your career progression because you don’t believe you can achieve that next step?
suffers from the I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough syndrome?
All of these things are examples of us holding ourselves back from being our most amazing and awesome selves and it's to do with how we are playing our inner game.
How we play our inner game (our thoughts, beliefs, strengths, derailers, values etc.) have a direct impact on the success of our outer game (our results, relationships, and impact).
If you’re ready to be the leader you always wished you had and you want to be more fulfilled, then we should chat. I’d love to have a confidential, no-obligation conversation with you if you are ready to commit to the change you want.