What’s Your Relationship With Fear
(Image from Pixabay)
What’s Your Relationship With Fear?
"If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
Dale Carnegie
Having worked with many leaders, I see fear boil down to two things. Whatever words we use, it's either the fear of failure or the fear of rejection. Or, if you're really unlucky, a combination of both!
Sometimes we are reluctant to move forward because we don't want to be seen as a failure. That's because people who fail aren't regarded highly and will probably be rejected, right? Boom! We have just given ourselves a double dose of fear right there.
If you take a moment to think, have there been times when you haven't pursued something because of these fears? You can be honest; I'm not asking you to disclose this publicly - although many say that discussing fears with someone has helped them ultimately move forward.
I find fear is often present with leaders, but it's not typically the first thing that comes up in our conversations. Some leaders are ready to be courageous (vulnerable) and bring up the fear conversation early on (often leaders with a growth mindset), while for others, I need to make it safe to explore the subject of fear.
A note to every leader though, (and yes, I'm talking to you), we all need to understand fear, acknowledge that it is real for us and, create a way to move forward to achieve our future self plans.
Acknowledging fear
We do almost anything to avoid fear by creating beliefs, behaviours, and habits that offer self-protection. At a logical level, that makes perfect sense, right? I mean, who wants to do something that will knowingly give immense pain? The first thing is to acknowledge the fear and then understand just what we are afraid of.
Human brains are very clever, and inner critics get plenty of airtime when we are afraid. That voice in our head tells us everything we want to hear about how to keep ourselves safe, psychologically and physically. The advice is coming from a good place, so we need to acknowledge that. Self-protection is useful, and moving forward with goals and plans is also a good thing. We can do both - it doesn't have to be an either/or situation.
Sometimes it's a matter of turning down the volume on your inner critic and allowing your inner coach to have a bit more say to get a balanced perspective.
(Image from Pixabay)
Seeing past the fear
Given that fear is largely about self-protection, we need to feel safe to move forward. So what does that look like? During my life and career, I've noticed that when I focus on myself, creating outcomes that only I will benefit from, I've ended up playing a pretty small game. Fear has crept in because I've been worried about what change will mean to and for me. If you can imagine a time like this for yourself, you can understand how positioning ourselves this way is not useful and won't provide the best outcomes.
Viewing what we are trying to do or what we want to achieve through the lens of service to others, creates a whole different vibe.
Most of us want to do things that will help others be successful and realise their potential. I get that not everyone genuinely has this particular orientation, but over the years, most leaders I've interacted with focus on the greater good of others and are less focused on themselves.
If we look through this particular lens, then failing to take action is actually a disservice to the people we seek to help.
When we centre on the higher purpose of what we ultimately want to achieve, it's no longer about whether we will be successful; it's more about earning, growing, and testing our new ideas and approaches with and for others. It's an experiment that is neither good nor bad - it's all about learning and growth.
So when you start to feel fear, remember that your next action is to serve the people in your world. What right do you have to deprive them of what you have to offer? We think it's all about us, but really it's not!
So, have that courageous conversation with your team member, pick up the phone and make that sales call. If you don't, how will they know how you can help them be successful?
Put your hand up for that leadership role because you have a clear vision of the path to increasing results, productivity and engagement.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. Playing small never helped anyone. Be of service
Need some help
If you would like to understand more about your relationship with fear and how that is helping or hindering you from achieving your greatness, we should chat.