Identity
(Image from Pixabay)
Identity
‘Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.’
Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk
Identity is who we think and believe we are – it’s our definition of ourselves. Understanding our identity helps us decide whether or not we will go ahead and do something.
How identity is created
Our identities are shaped in many different ways, including our cultural environment, family values, beliefs, and customs and community.
Memories also shape identity. This often happens when we make meaning of an event. At that point, we create personal rules or beliefs that drive behaviour. Consistent behaviours, over time, feel congruent with those beliefs and contribute to the development of our identity.
(Source: Inside Out: Why Leadership Starts With You by Deb Bailey)
Identity is also shaped through the groups we belong to, whether through work, sports, religious, spiritual or social groups.
While this list is not exhaustive, each factor shapes and influences identity over time (often unconsciously) as we navigate life and fit into groups we associate with.
To create a shift in identity, we need to change beliefs and drive different behaviours. Consistently taking action on these new behaviours forms our new identity – the future self we want.
When someone has decided they want to achieve a particular outcome or goal, they start to work on their inner game, recognising a desire to shift their identity so their future self will be different. This is when they commit to making changes.
Not everyone gets this clarity, though. Some get caught up in the herd and never consciously decide who they want to become. But we can always choose different groups and environments that better support the person (and identity) we ultimately want to create.
You are more than your job
Throughout my career, I have connected with many people whose job has become their identity. They struggle to see themselves as separate, but we are all so much more than a job or a career.
Sure, your career is a large part of life and may feature when describing yourself to others, but it is not the whole story. Your job is not who you are.
While a career should provide the opportunity to do something that helps achieve a higher purpose, that may only be partially fulfilled through our job. True fulfilment will include what’s outside of work.
I’ve worked with leaders whose identities have become the title they hold. When that position came to an end, through a voluntary or involuntary decision, they struggled to move on. They couldn’t see themselves as anything different, and this created a lot of pain and angst. In these situations, they go through a grieving process, feeling like they have lost someone. And this is true, to some extent, because their whole frame of reference was wrapped up in the identity of the job.
We often encounter examples of this when people retire. It can be difficult to adjust to a new lifestyle unless they have planned what they will do once they leave work. They haven’t yet adopted the identity of someone who does not go into a particular workplace every day. They haven’t adopted the identity of someone who has the time and freedom to pursue different activities.
(Image from Pixabay)
Identity and taking action
When we don’t take action on a career or life goal, it might be because we haven’t done enough work to create and accept the new identity to which the goal is attached.
Perhaps we possibly haven’t truly embraced the new future self, and so while the goal might make sense at a logical level and we have rationalised it in our head, more is required to turn this dream into reality.
Even if we believe wholeheartedly that the goal is right for us, unless we have spent time focusing on the identity that sits with that goal, we may never act because our current identity will question whether we can achieve it. Our current identity might say, ‘oh, that’s not really me’, so we don’t take the necessary action.
Getting clear on who we are now and who we want to be, then creating the conditions for ourselves to achieve that new identity is an important part of creating a life by design.
I also happen to believe that it’s totally within our control. Be the person you want to be. Choose, decide, commit and take action.
Need some help
If you would like to understand more about how identity is impacting the results you are getting, we should chat.
Alternatively, you could grab a copy of my book Inside Out: Why Leadership Starts With You.